my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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