how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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