What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
