my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
