Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
