She's like a pop up book from hell.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want to be your penis for a week.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
