Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
