He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
