I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
