at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
