glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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