Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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