I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
