A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
