Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
