Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
