Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
