Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You smell like stripper and shame
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
