I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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