we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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