Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
