I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
