This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
