the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize