Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
