We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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