I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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