If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Everything about him screamed your future.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
