I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
