first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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