So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
