I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
