I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
