I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
