Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
