Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
