I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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