He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
