When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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