well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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