i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
