I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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