Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
