I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize