so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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