If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
