dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
