if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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