bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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