you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
