So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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