Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
