I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
