Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
