His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
