I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
