hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
