Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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