i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
