I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
