foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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