I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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