I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
