In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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