I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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