so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
