Whats the glycemic index on semen?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
