It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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