No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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