Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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