Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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