before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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