i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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