So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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