My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
