I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
